The best burger in the world?

Well it should be America, and apparently it is, according to New Zealand’s Kiwi collection. And it’s in the achingly chic Standard Grill in New York.

You, more than anyone, know that I have a few guilty sins.  Okay, some of you know I have A LOT of guilty sins, but we don’t really have to share those here right now.  Moving on.  One of the sins that I do want to share with you though is Chef Dan Silverman’s Ranch Burger from The Standard Grill.

New Zealand’s Kiwi Collection just voted it one of the best burgers in the world today!  (Chef Dan is totally huge in New Zealand by the way, but that’s another story in itself.)

Served on a brioche bun with cheese, bacon (optional) and other toppings, this massive burger really doesn’t compare with anything else.  Its genius is in its simplicity.

You can get the burger in the Living Room at The Standard, New York.

Just look at it.

 

It oozes beauty, it’s a beautiful thing. I could have it for breakfast, lunch and dinner.

That’s it, I’m flying out today!

If anyone has sampled this bad boy, holler.

Burger news: New York’s finest burger

I work in the same office block as UK national newspaper, the Daily Telegraph. Here I dream about burgers all day and figure out new excuses for eating them.

Somewhat strangely it seems that, as I awoke from my latest pattie-laced reverie, rubbed my blinking eyes and chased the dream out of my sleepy head, I unconsciously gave birth to an amazing burger review.

Clearly, the dream left me, strolled down the corridor, subtly slid into the lift, pressed the 1st floor button, got out, and swum through the air into the Telegraph’s offices, finally settling into a sleeping Andrew Pettie’s sub conscious. This is where I lose track of the thing – who knows where it went hence?

However what I do know, is that the dream, a collective dream perhaps,  has helped Petrie help you and I by locating the best goddam burger in all of New York. You know what they say: if a burger can make it there, it can make it anywhere. What a lucky burger! And what a tasty burger, too, a must-eat taste treat.

A burger in an NYC eaterie, by Flickr user wallyg

Here’s what my fellow dreamer says about the thing:

“You can barely find a restaurant in Manhattan that doesn’t serve a decent hamburger (at least by British standards) so you’re certainly spoilt for choice. However the best burger in the city – at least according to locals – is served in a restaurant so small and tricky to find some tourists fail to locate even when armed with detailed directions and map. It’s called, simply, Burger Joint and it looks like any other friendly, rough-and-ready burger bar, seating about 25 people in a series of 1950s-style booths. The burgers are cheap ($6.89) and delicious and they ought to be: Burger Joint serves nothing else. The tricky thing is getting there: Burger Joint is located, or rather hidden, beneath the foyer of the swanky Le Parker Meridien Hotel (119 West 56th Street). Walk into its plush, marble-floored foyer and look for a large grey ceiling-to-floor curtain. Just to the left of the curtain you’ll see a gloomy corridor illuminated by a flashing neon burger sign. Follow the sign down a flight of stairs and you’ve reached beef patty nirvana. For details and the full Burger Joint menu go to: www.parkermeridien.com”

Well, what are you waiting for? Go get that burger.

Submission guide and judging criteria

Food gives you a sense of place. Whilst biting into a  greasy doner kebab might transport you straight to the gutter, munching on crab and  watermelon cubes can spirit me away to a garden bathed in sunshine in  Perth, Australia.

Burgers should evoke Americana and the best brand of American optimism – not the sneering apathy of old Europe – we’ve got clasic French cooking for that; nor damp hopelessness of dark, wintery Britain – we’ve got roast dinners for that.

The burger can be high concept or humble – doesn’t matter. As Alan Richman, who compiled GQs list of ’20 burgers you must eat before you die‘, says: “A great burger, regardless of regional differences, instills a sense of optimism and fulfillment, that all is right at the table or the counter or the woodgrain, screwed-to-the-floor, fast-food booth.”

 

I’d love to have any of your burger stories, news and particularly reviews to help people in the UK find the best burgers we have to offer, and to avoid the tasteless morass that serves as our standard.

Size

Honey, I shrunk your burger

Burgers can start at 2oz, and can go up to any size you can fit on a grill. However, somewhere between 8-12oz is typically ideal. The cricket ball sized, ‘Botham burger’ promoted by the likes of Jamie Oliver partially represents  everything that’s wrong with burgers in this country. Over-large, over-English takes on an American classic. Less is more, folks. You gotta save room for fries, shakes,  and/or beer.

 

The bun should enclose the burger and any other ingredients. Half a ciabatta loaf perched atop a  wobbly tower of unevenly chopped tomato, onion, gherkin, relish does not a good burger make. If there’s a tomato slice, it should be cover the burger. Same goes for the onion. Cheese can melt over the side of the patty, but not flop around forlornly outside the roll.

 

You should be able to pick it up in your hand. If you need a knife and fork to eat the burger, it just ain’t a burger.

Roll

Mmm, grilled buns

Sadly, it’s rare to get a good burger roll. Particularly in Britain.Yet it’s crucial. The bun is what seperates a hamburger from steak haché. It’s what enables you to eat it with your hands.

The single most important factor is freshness. A fresh bun is a happy bun.

It should be soft like brioche, yielding easily to the touch, but not as sweet. There should be some sweetness, however, and some flavour, albeit subtle.

Toasted or grilled doesn’t matter – as long as the top yields, and the inside doesn’t sog from any liquid ingredients like sauce.

As  mentioned elsewhere, size is important. It should envelop the patty but not overwhelm the star of the show – the meat.

Aside from fast food joints, pubs/gastropubs are the main places where you eat burgers. Yet these places so often serve rolls that need to be sawed through by steak knife. By the time your teeth get to the meat,  they’re encased in dough, and your jaws are tired. These places should be named and shamed into getting it right.

Meat

The star attraction of any burger is the meat.

A bit of a purist, I think hamburgers should use, uh, beef. However, if you want to submit a review chicken, fish, buffalo, venison, ostrich, eagle or gerbil, be my guest. But I can’t guarantee I’ll feature it.

When it comes to meat, I don’t think cut matters – sirloin or ribeye, porterhouse or fillet, brisket or chuck all produce good results. Same thing for breed – kobe and wagyu may command the highest prices – and publicity seekers like Harrods add foie gras to bost the price and ad a sense of luxury – but there’s absolutely no reasong why a £2.50 burger can’t beat a £250 one. Indeed, in San Francisco’s Burger Joint, my $8 (around £5) burger was one of the best I ever  tasted.

What does matter is that the cooked meat can be safely served medium (or rare), and is juicy and succulent. To achieve this, patties should be hand-moulded from coarsely ground aged beef, and seasoned judiciously. Flavour is all-important – extras such as sauce, relish, ketchup shouldn’t need to be added – only if they can possibly add to what is already a beautifully tasting piece of meat.

Forget the frying pan, chefs, make sure you serve us grilled or bbq’d beef. We’re looking for a smokiness, at least a nice char. So the outside should be slightly hard, the inside beautifully moist (so the meat should have enough fat that can render) and soft.

Fries

Fries are the only crucial accompaniment. Chunky fries don’t go well with this dish. If I wanted a quartered baked potato I’d go to Spud-U-Like. Steak frites are ok, but ‘steak cut’ chips are a bit big – something in between and handcut, possibly skin-on, is good.

But it doesn’t matter too much as long as it’s served with good tasting fries. Whether they’re straight up, garlicky, cheesy, spicy or herby – they’re a crucial accompaniment.

Accompaniments and condiments

If your burger comes filled with a sauce, relish or jam (e.g. red onion marmalade), it might indicate that the beef is too dry without a sauce. Which is a bad sign.

That said, you should fill it with what you want. And restaurants should give you that choice. Anyone that sends out a burger with a pickle – the all too familiar sight of that greying, sheepish looking interloper makes me want to send the whole lot  back – doesn’t deerve to cook or serve burgers in any establishment.

Over to you

 

And that’s about all for now. Hope that the above serves as a useful guide for tasting and critiquing any burgers that you eat and review. If you have any views on the above or advice for reviewers, let me know.

Help me find Britain’s best burger

The search for Britain’s best burger is on, and I’d like you to help find it.

I’ve come to that sad conclusion after travelling extensively in the US earlier this year. On my return, I’ve eaten a burger every week, and been bitterly disappointed.

Certainly, Britain’s food scene has improved dramatically over the years, with a more and more restaurants earning Michelin star status. Surely there must be some places that are making tasty burgers out there?

Take it as read that I think Maccy Ds and BK offer shit patties. But gastropubs that do decent steaks get it wrong 90% of the time, too. they may claim to offer better meat and 100% beef, but they often serve up steak sized, overcooked and worst of all dry meat that, as experienced food critics might say, totally f***ing sucks.

 

Help me to help you to help me to help etc

I want your help to find the perfect burger, and name and shame those who make shitty ones. The mission of this blog is to help people find burger heaven, and avoid burger hell.

The success or failure of this blog depends on guest contributions so I would love to hear from anyone who wants to submit something. And, although it’s a search for the UK’s best offering, I’d like to invite any international perspectives, too. The more the merrier!

 

Your contributions

I’ll be looking for the following burger-related stuff:

• Reviews of burgers you have eaten
• Burger news (particularly strange and funny stuff)
• Beer reviews – perfect beer for perfect burgers
• Burger ads
• Restarants and diners offering deals/money-off coupons for burgers
• ‘Burger-rotica’ – either seductive shots of burgers or pictures of babes with burgers – ladies, if you want to contribute hot guys with burgers, please
• ‘Burgerwood’ – patties in the movies scenes And more to come

Mail me if you’d like to submit a link, news item, opiniuon, essay, poem, picture, review or anything you feel would help Brits have a bang-on burger experience.

Here’s another pic of Padma Lakshmi seductively eating a burger for you to slather over.